{"id":59008,"date":"2026-03-18T11:48:29","date_gmt":"2026-03-18T08:48:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dinewho.com\/tr\/?p=59008"},"modified":"2026-03-18T11:48:29","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T08:48:29","slug":"i-cant-make-up-my-mind-whether-to-seek-harmony-or-to-be-open","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dinewho.com\/en\/blog\/benim-kafam-uyusmuyor-hissi-uyum-aramak-mi-acik-olmak-mi\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cMy Head Isn\u2019t Working\u201d Feeling: Seeking Harmony or Being Open?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\u201cThe sentence \u201dI don't get along\u201c often comes out like a defence. It's as if you're saying in your heart: \u201dThere is no place for me here.\" Nevertheless, at a table, at a dinner or a meeting in the city, it is sometimes more possible to harmonise with brand new people than you think. As long as you are willing to take a closer look at where this feeling comes from and where it can evolve.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe source of the feeling of \u201dI don't fit in\" and harmonising with new people<\/h2>\n

Understanding the Roots of Dissonance<\/h3>\n

\u201cWhen you think about the moments when you say \u201dI don't get along\u201c, there are often other feelings behind the scenes. For example, the topics at that table are unfamiliar to you. Or the fact that you were left on the sidelines while everyone acted as if they already knew each other. The human mind quickly writes a story to fill this void: \u201dSo we are different, so I don't belong here.\"<\/p>\n

However, many people have similar anxieties about fitting in with new people. Even if someone seems very comfortable, they may wonder, \u201cDo I look strange here?\u201d Different backgrounds, different senses of humour, or completely different professional lives put up walls at first glance. However, these walls are often as fragile as a thin layer of fog. As long as we remember that no one has to have the \u201cright\u201d way of speaking.<\/p>\n

Discomfort When Encountering Different Individuals<\/h3>\n

In the city, especially in crowded and fast-paced environments, people are very selective about looking for like-minded people. Because you get tired during the day and in the evening you want to feel as if you don't have to prove yourself. A different political view, a completely different taste in music or a lifestyle that seems distant to you, as if it blocks the conversation.<\/p>\n

At such moments, the body also speaks: Shoulders tighten, eyes start to run away, you fiddle with the glass in your hand unnecessarily. This discomfort is not only caused by \u201cthem\u201d; you also find it difficult to tell your own story. At the DineWho tables, this point is often recognisable. As people talk about their frustrations in their past experiences of fitting in with new people, they realise how common that discomfort actually is. As stories are shared, the atmosphere at the table softens.<\/p>\n

Adjusting to New People in Adulthood<\/h2>\n

Breaking Out of Social Moulds and Fitting in with New People<\/h3>\n

When I was a kid, making friends was much simpler. It was enough to reach for the same toy in the park. In adulthood, it seems more difficult to have sincere conversations in the city. Job cards, statuses, the question \u201cwhat do you do?\u201d hangs a giant signboard at the entrance door of relationships. Behind this signboard, most people try to cope with loneliness.<\/p>\n

Adult friendships often need two things: intimacy and a safe space. When you feel that no one is expecting a \u201cperfect\u201d story from you at a dinner table, adjusting to new people slowly becomes a natural process. This is where DineWho's social dinner meetings come into play. At the tables, human stories, rather than introductory phrases, come to the surface. When people put aside their job titles for a while, surprisingly relaxed conversations ensue.<\/p>\n

Allowing space for yourself and listening without judgement<\/h3>\n

Harmony does not only mean \u201cliking the same thing\u201d. Sometimes rapport starts with the intention to be curious about what the other person likes. That's why it's important to give yourself a little inner space first in order to harmonise with new people. Saying \u201cI'm nervous right now, but that's normal\u201d is a step in itself.<\/p>\n

At a DineWho table, everyone is a little more controlled in the first few minutes. However, when someone says, \u201cI actually have a lot of difficulty in crowded environments,\u201d the atmosphere at the table changes. Because this sentence gives the others permission to open up about their own difficulties. Listening without judgement opens up more than you think. As the other person explains, the sentence \u201cWe are actually not as distant as we seem\u201d appears in your head. Thus, harmonising with new people starts to feel like a shared discovery, not a performance.<\/p>\n

\"dinewho-socialisation\"<\/p>\n

Being Open: Harmonising with New People through a New Way of Approaching Differences<\/h2>\n

Recognising and Overcoming Prejudices<\/h3>\n

Most prejudices arise to protect you. When you look at someone new, you place dozens of labels in seconds. Sentences such as \u201cI bet he\/she thinks like this\u201d and \u201cWe will never get along\u201d are born from this process. However, these labels also narrow the room for manoeuvre needed to adapt to new people.<\/p>\n

These prejudices become more visible when seating arrangements are randomly mixed in the DineWho experience. For example, ten minutes later, you listen to the person you thought, \u201cI can't have a conversation with someone who dresses like that.\u201d Ten minutes later, you listen to them tell a funny story from their childhood. Suddenly, the labels in your head loosen. Because a real person does not fit into a category. This realisation is carried not only to that table but also to the next meetings.<\/p>\n

The Power of Unexpected Connections and Harmonising with New People<\/h3>\n

Sometimes adjusting to new people, especially unexpected ones, adds a whole new flexibility to your life. Someone who comes from a different neighbourhood, a different profession or a culture you have never known opens windows you never knew existed. These windows also affect the way you see your own life.<\/p>\n

For example, imagine three people sitting at the same table on a DineWho evening. One of them is a white-collar worker who has been in the corporate world for years, another is a freelance illustrator, and the other is a teacher who has just moved to the city. At first, no one says, \u201cWe are very similar.\u201d However, as the conversation progresses, periods when all three of them feel lonely in the city emerge. The sense of loss, stories of moving and the question \u201ccan I really find friends here?\u201d bring them all together in a common place. Moments like these remind us of the power of unexpected connections and show us that you have more material than you realise to adapt to new people.<\/p>\n

Harmonising with New People and the Balance of Difference at a Table at DineWho<\/h2>\n

From First Encounter to Deep Conversation<\/h3>\n

Imagine a DineWho night. There is a table reserved for you at a restaurant in the city. As you walk to the table, it's not hard to imagine what's going through your mind: \u201cI hope I don't try too hard.\u201d, \u201cWhat if I can't talk to anyone?\u201d Maybe you're thinking, \u201cI'm not going to get along with anyone again.\u201d.<\/p>\n

The first few minutes at the table are usually filled with familiar questions. Small introductions like \u201cWhere do you live?\u201d, \u201cHave you been to this restaurant before?\u201d are light ways of breaking the ice. But at DineWho, the curation not only chooses the venue, but also creates space for a flow that slowly deepens the conversation. After a while, a question from the cards on the table, or a small invitation from the host, takes the conversation to a more intimate place. Thus, together you cross the first threshold of harmonisation with new people.<\/p>\n

At that moment, someone talks about the process of changing jobs, another about his relationship with his family, another about how difficult it is to find intimate conversations in the city. As the topics deepen, the tension at the table eases. The words move from \u201cgetting acquainted\u201d to \u201cconnecting\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u2018Sharing the feeling of \u2019I don't fit in' and adapting to new people<\/h3>\n

Interestingly, one of the most transformative moments at the table at DineWho occurs when someone says, \u201cActually, I was very nervous coming here, I thought I wouldn't fit in with anyone.\u201d This sentence is not just a confession; it seems like an invitation to honesty left on the table. Because most people feel similar things, but sit without voicing it.<\/p>\n

At this point, the feeling of \u201cmy head doesn't match\u201d becomes a common reference. As others at the table say, \u201cI felt the same way\u201d, the feeling of loneliness is replaced by a slight smile. Harmonising with new people no longer seems like an obligatory task, but a journey taken together. Differences remain on the table, but no one sees them as flaws that need to be hidden.<\/p>\n

A Little Story: The Silent One at the Table<\/h3>\n

One evening, at one of the DineWho gatherings, there was someone at the table who had been silent for a long time. The conversation was flowing, people were talking about their childhood, moving stories, job changes. He was accompanying them with short, polite sentences and looking around. It was obvious that he was thinking to himself, \u201cI am not suitable for such environments.\u201d.<\/p>\n

As the night progressed, one of the cards on the table was opened: \u201cWhat do you miss most about this city, or what do you find hardest to find?\u201d The word came to the quiet person. He paused for a moment, then said simply, \u201cI find it hard to make real connections here, so I usually stay at home.\u201d There was a short silence at the table, and then three people said similar sentences. The conversation suddenly deepened.<\/p>\n

At the end of the night, that person, sharing a number with the person next to him, said: \u201cIt's funny, I didn't realise I would be so nervous on the way in and then so relaxed.\u201d This little anecdote is a reminder that sometimes you only need one honest sentence to get along with new people in the city.<\/p>\n

A Small Guide to Harmonising with New People at the Table<\/h3>\n

When you sit down at a new table, especially on evenings like the DineWho experience, where different people consciously come together, it can be useful to have a small guide handy:<\/p>\n